Letters from Beyond the Grave
by islashlove
Summary: A month after Shawn's funeral, everyone receives a letter from Shawn. This story is the Sequel to my story 'A Surprise, Seven Eulogies and a Funeral'.
1. Dear Dad

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is from Psych. **

**Warning: This is a death story.**

**Beta: Yes, I would like to say thank you to my Beta jerseybelle**

**Author's Notes: ****This story is the Sequel to my story 'A Surprise, Seven Eulogies and a Funeral'.**

**Story Notes: A month after Shawn's funeral, everyone receives a letter from Shawn.**

**Letters from Beyond the Grave**

**Chapter 1: Dear Dad**

Henry Spencer sat heavily in his armchair and let out a deep sigh. He knew he should eat something, but that meant he would have to get up and he just didn't have the energy for that. Not any more, anyway. All he had done in the last month, is get up, eat, go to work, come home, eat again and then go to bed to have a restless sleep, just to start all over again the next day.

Some days he wondered why he was still doing it. Why was he going to work? He had only been at the station to keep an eye on Shawn, but Shawn was now gone. They had buried him a month ago. Those words felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach again. Like a bad dream that he couldn't wake up from.

Shawn, his son, was dead.

Henry knew that he was functioning on autopilot. They all were. Chief Vick, Juliet, Gus, even Detective Lassiter, they were all just taking one day at a time.

Henry let out a small chuckle when he remembered what had happened that day. It had proven that no one at the station had really accepted that Shawn was gone. An officer that had had left the station a few years back, had come to visit.

Everyone knew he was there. Just like they knew that Shawn was dead, but when he uttered those words, 'Shawn, good to see you again', everyone looked. Everyone searched for this Shawn. Henry could feel the hopeful expectation and then the bitter disappointment when it was someone else called Shawn. He had even overheard Lassiter cursing, 'Damn it, Spencer' before he sat back down.

Maybe tomorrow he will hand in his resignation, but now, tonight, Henry needed sleep, so he headed off to bed. But a few hours later, Henry was back sitting in the armchair again. Sleep had eluded him again through the nightmares of Shawn. Knowing he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, Henry decided to go through the mail that he had received that day.

Settling down in his armchair, Henry placed his beer on the coffee table. Sifting through the mail, Henry put the bills to one side for later. There were still a few sympathy cards from people that were just hearing about Shawn's death. One letter from Shawn's mother and then there was one that really caught Henry's attention.

The envelope was covered with a lovely beach scene and the address was hand written, not typed like a lot are now days. Turning it over, he wasn't surprised that there was no return address.

Opening the envelope carefully, Henry then pulled out the letter which had a beach scene on every page and like the envelope, it was hand written. As he unfolded the letter, a photo fell out onto his lap. Picking it up, Henry saw it was a photo of him, Shawn and that god damn motor bike of his. He was so sure that it was going to be that bike that would take Shawn from him. How wrong he was.

Placing the photo down, Henry started to read the letter, which he had guessed was from Shawn.

_'Dear Dad,_

_Well, if you're reading this letter, I'm dead and I bet it was because I stuffed up big time. It would have to be at least a month after my funeral. That's when I arranged for the letters to be sent out. And talking about the funeral, I hope it went smoothly and that I did you proud with the way I arranged it. No three ring circus, just how you wanted it to be._

_I guess that you're wondering why you are sitting in your armchair, late at night, reading this letter. Especially since I most likely wrote it years ago. Well, one reason is, I sent it to you and another reason is because you couldn't sleep. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry that I died before you and that you had to bury me. It's wasn't what I wanted._

_Dad, below are a few things that I couldn't or wouldn't dare to say to you while I was alive. So, if you want to continue or not, that's up to you, but know this, I have, and always will, love you. You're my dad, so there should have never been a question that I loved you. _

_Anyway, if you are game enough, please continue to read. Some of it will be nice, some...not so._

_Firstly Dad. What the hell were you and mum thinking? Seriously! Neither of you were ready for a child, let alone one like me! Why? Why in hell, did you ever have me?_

_But now that I've gotten that off my chest. Thank you! Thank you so much for not giving up on me. I know you could have walked away just like mum, but you didn't and for that, I will always be grateful. _

_I know I wasn't the son you wanted. I didn't became a cop, but I didn't do that just to upset you. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. I mean, look at me, Dad, or rather, look at my history. Even with Psych, Gus does all the paper work. I know I'm useless, a failure, but that was me. That is who…what I was. Just one big failure._

_You once asked me, why do I leave when things get hard? Well, the answer is easy. I would leave because...I didn't trust myself. I know what I can do and what I can't do and staying around when I knew I wasn't wanted or needed, well, it was just better that I left, rather than if I stayed. It was the best for everyone to have that break from me. From my craziness. Even for you and Gus._

_As for my bike, I know why you hated it. Why you always called it a death trap. It wasn't because you were afraid that I was going to kill myself on it, no, that isn't why you hated it. You hated it because it was what I always left on. Right from the start, I rode away on my bike and from then on that was all you focused on. On that one single fact, but you failed to see one little thing. My bike may have taken me away, but it also brought me back home. Right back to you, not Mum._

_And the last time it brought me home, I stayed. I stayed and opened Psych. I really believe that we were getting closer. Sure, we weren't father and son of the year, but whenever I needed help, I came to you and you were always willing to help me. Even if I didn't see it._

_I really hope you enjoy the tie I'm giving you. It's not just to remind you of your 40__th__ birthday and what I said. It's to remind you to live the rest of your life in peace and to enjoy your retirement. It was me that pulled you out of your well-deserved retirement and now you can go back to it or stay on. I know you love keeping an eye on Lassie. Why wouldn't you. He was the son you always wanted. And believe me, I don't hate you or Lassie for that. He's a good man. A good cop._

_Well, that's about all I have to say, other than thank you for a great life._

_Your always wayward son,_

_Shawn._

_Oh...just one more thing, Dad. When I first left Santa Barbara, I joined the police academy, graduated and was a cop for a year before a case got to me and I had to leave. I actually did enjoy being a cop, but as I said before, I just couldn't handle it.'_

Henry put the letter and down and wiped away the tears that had escaped. He then had a drink of his beer to try and push down the lump in his throat. Picking up the photo that had come with the letter, Henry started to talk to the Shawn in the picture.

"Damn it, Shawn. How do you know what to say? That bloody mouth of yours. It always seems to be going at a thousand miles an hour and yet, your brain always kept up with it. God, I can't count how many times you've talked yourself into trouble and then out of it. And from what Gus and Lassiter said, you talked that man out of shooting Gus and into shooting you.

You're right. Your mum and I weren't ready to have a child, but neither of us would have changed a thing. We felt proud to be your parents and would never change a thing.

I'm sorry that you have always thought that your mum left because of you. She didn't! She left because of me. Me and my job. Your mum dealt with the same people I dealt with and she was worried that one day, one of them would follow me or her home and hurt you. Then the job opportunity came up and she saw a way to halve the danger. Trust me! It killed your mum to leave you, but she thought she was doing the right thing.

As for that bike of yours…you're right, I did hate it because I never saw it bring you home. I only ever saw it taking you away and now...now a small replica holds all that is left of you. I hope it makes you happy, but Chief Vick has put that replica out front of the station for everyone to see. To remind everyone about the sacrifice that the police make every day to keep the public safe.

You said in your letter that you were a failure. You're not, you know. You have done things that a lot of people could only dream of. Maybe it was me. Maybe I failed you. I pushed you too much, too hard, and didn't give you the love you needed, but I want you to know something, Shawn. I loved you and I was so proud of you.

I was so glad that you felt that you could come to me whenever you needed help with Psych. Over the years, I watched you grow. Not just in age, but as a man. You may not have thought that you had changed, but you had. You became your own person. A person that I was so proud of and the way you handled your own funeral proved that.

I love the tie. It brought back so many memories. Not just of my 40th, but of the time we had shared together. I don't think I will retire just yet. Not because of Lassiter, but because of you. Working beside you made me happy. I left the force because I thought I had given it all I could. You proved to me that I had a lot more to give.

As for Lassiter, you're wrong. I was proud of him, but not because he was the son I always wanted. I already had that son in you. I was proud of him because I had watched him grow from a humble officer to being the strong detective he is now. And to be honest, I'm glad he met you, because you saved him from himself. Lassiter was on his way to burning out. You pulled him back from the edge and took that smoking gun from his hands.

I too have a secret, Shawn. I already knew that you had become a cop. In fact, I was there when you graduated and I followed your short, but amazing career. I know why you left and I understand. I even understand why, after you left the force, you joined the army.

I'm truly sorry that I never told you. I just thought that you would tell me when you were ready. Just didn't think it would be in a letter that I would receive a month after I had to bury you.

You dared to thank me for a great life. Well, it should be me to thank you. From the day you were born, you changed my life for the better and even now, even after your death, you are making my life better. Just with your words.

I'm so glad that you were my son and I wouldn't change you or anything that you did. Except maybe your death. I would change that, Shawn, just so we could have had more time together.

Thank you, Shawn for everything that was you."

Henry placed the picture against the picture frame on the coffee table. He stared at it for a little bit longer before heading back to bed. He guessed that Shawn had sent the others a letter as well and he would find out about them in the morning.

That night, Henry had the best sleep he'd had in a month. No dreams, just sleep and when he awoke the next morning, Henry actually felt that everything was going to be just fine.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**


	2. Dear Juliet

**Author's Notes: This chapter is brought to you by the Song of the Week Challenge. This week's Song is 'Counting Stars' by OneRepublic**

**Chapter 2: Dear Juliet**

Juliet curled up on her easy chair. Her nightgown pulled tightly around her like it would keep the ghosts away. The apartment itself was quiet; quiet and dark. The only light was coming from the fire that burned to the side of her. On the small coffee table there was a cup of tea and a box of tissues which were slowly filling the waste basket behind the coffee table.

In one hand, Juliet held a tissue and in the other, a pale pink envelope. A faint scent of strawberries fills the air. It is warmed by the fire, intensifying the scent as Juliet breaths it in.

Once again, Juliet lifts up the envelope and smiles at it. Shaking her head, she couldn't work out why she was smiling. This envelope and whatever was in it might be all she had left of Shawn. As soon as she smelt the strawberries she knew it was from him. She also knew that she would have to open it up and see what he has to say.

Shifting in her seat, Juliet carefully opened the envelope up and removed the letter inside. To her surprise, something else also fell out. It was the engagement ring Shawn had given her.

"Shawn," Juliet breathed as she picked up the ring. Slowly she put the ring on the coffee table and then she opened the letter.

_'Juliet,_

_My daring Juliet. You were my Jules. The golden gem of my life and I am so sorry that it ended so soon. _

_I don't know if you will read this letter. I can't blame you if you don't. I was selfish, I know and I know you won't believe me, but I was thinking of you. In fact, I've never stopped thinking of you since the day we meet in that small diner. You stole my seat, then you pulled your gun and it was right there that you stole my heart._

_We went through the motions of life, but as life when on, you became more to me. More than life itself. All I ever wanted to do was to make you happy. As happy it made me when I saw you smile._

_I was flying the day you said you would marry me. Up 'til then, I hadn't live. All my life I'd been playing hard. Just sitting around and counting the few dollars I had. But then I found you. For the first time in my life I was losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could've been, not just about me anymore._

_My life was spun around in a three-sixty and I didn't know what to do. You had done the impossible. You had changed me. Trapped me by throwing a vine of love across my heart and it left flashing signs in my eyes, making me seek you out. Everywhere I looked, I found you. You and your love._

_I always thought I was too old for love, but you proved to me I wasn't. I tried to cling to my youth, but again, you showed me that I wasn't that bold. I guess my problem was that when I felt something was so right, I was doing it wrong. And when if felt wrong, it was the right thing to be doing._

_That's how I knew, that the moment I found out about the cancer, being with you was the wrong thing, because it felt so right to be with you. I love you, Juliet and it felt so wrong to break up with you, but it was the right thing to do. I know it was. You are too beautiful to be with someone like me._

_I could lie. I could have stayed and watched as the cancer that was killing me, killed you from the inside too. But that wouldn't have been fair. Life isn't fair. All I wanted to do, was to count the stars with you. The night stars and the stars I saw in your eyes every time you looked at me._

_I felt your love and it burnt me knowing what we had, what we could have had. But hope is a four-letter word I've known too well, like that friend who will leave you right at the end, but even though your love drowned me in a river of tears, it also made me want to fly._

_And that's what I want you to do now for me. I want you to fly. Take the knowledge that I loved you more than life itself and spread your angel wings and fly, Jules. I know my death would have felt like it had killed you, but that is life. That is the feeling of being alive._

_That is why I chose that dress for you. The white, because you are pure and honest. The rainbows to remind you that life is full of beauty and they are in the form of a circle to remind you of my eternal love._

_I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for leaving you the way I did. And when you do, take time out from counting money and start counting stars._

_Forever yours,_

_The sweet pineapple that loves you,_

_Shawn. _

_0X0X0X0X0X0X0_

_P.S. I bought the ring for you. It is only right that you have it.'_

Juliet folded the letter and placed it on the coffee table as she wiped away her tears. Picking up the ring, Juliet slipped it onto her ring finger. Just like when Shawn gave it to her, it fit perfectly. She stared at the pineapple and strawberry figurines hugging each other. As she wiped away another tear, Juliet noticed that the tiny diamond chips started to sparkle like the stars.

"Oh, Shawn," she half cried, half laughed. "Yes, my darling Shawn, I will count the stars from now on. The stars in the sky and the stars you gave me in this ring. I will always be counting them."

And as Juliet sat there counting her diamond stars, she fell asleep to dream of what could have been for her and her sweet pineapple, Shawn.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**

**Authors Note: ****There is going to be breaks in between updating, but if the next chapter fits into the word or song of the week challenges on the Facebook group, FanFiction .net Writers Unite, then the story will be updated earlier. ****Once everything is sorted, I will be returning to weekly posting. **

**Sorry for any inconvenience.**


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